A real coup for Premier League Blog! We’ve secured an interview with the media’s most talked about individual during the transfer window…
Who are you?
I’m A Source Close To The Player and Club, the most gregarious and trusted person in football.
Our interviewee might look a bit like this
Oh yeah? Who do you know?
Well, I’m friends with all players, all managers, and I’m permitted all-area access to every Premier League club. I’m a pretty big cheese, and without me, the newspapers and TV channels would have almost nothing to report during the transfer window. Except stories founded in verifiable fact.
Well, that sounds better. Why can’t we just have that?
Because, stupid, newspapers have to fill their back pages in the summer too. Where there are no match reports, they now have to churn out untold amounts of transfer guff. Unless Harry Redknapp’s available, most clubs don’t chop and change their squads in public, which is why they come to me.
But how can you help them?
Because it all has to sound genuine. A while ago people became discerning and cynical enough not to trust something which didn’t cite a source. Where there are no quotes from an Arsene Wenger or a Carlos Tevez to add some meat to an article, now journalists just mention my name, and hey presto, it’s a legitimate story.
How do journalists get in touch with you?
E-mail, phone calls, texting. Generally though, they just make it up and attribute the quote to me.
Isn’t that annoying?
Not really, I just like seeing my name in print.
Alright, who’s going where this summer, then?
Why does no-one ever ask me about literature, music or my family? I have other interests, you know.
Answer the question please.
Fine. Everyone is going everywhere. But everyone’s staying put, too. I can say this with complete authority, because I’ve been very well informed of this summer’s dealings by Caughtoffside.com.
