Keys and Gray should be put out to pasture

The Richard Keys/Andy Gray sexism row prompts Nash to “have a look at” the standard of Sky’s punditry…

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Richard Keys and Andy Gray should be put out to pasture, as they represent the worst things about football punditry – even more so than jokes like Alan Shearer, Mark

Lawrenson and occasionally Alan Hansen (who can be good when he can be bothered). Sky represent, more than any other, the matey, jobs-for-the-boys, nudge nudge wink wink, football-began-in-’92 culture more than any other and Keys and Gray are the arrogant, smug, self-satisfied faces of it. In love with the brand and not the game.

I have really improved my opinion of both Kenny Dalglish and Rio Ferdinand after all this (my opinion of Rio went up when he rebuked Rafael for waving imaginary yellows too) as they’ve refused to play the “all good mates here” game that Keys and Gray (Keys moreso) play. It’s cringey when Keys gives a guffaw after every interview with a player/manager and smiles in a self-satisfied way at the camera as though he’s got a joke that the rest of us are too stupid to understand. He tip-toes around the people he thinks are important in the game (ie the ones who won’t rock Sky’s boat) and his and Gray’s bias against the likes of Benitez and Wenger is ridiculous mostly because they won’t join the chummy, red-wine-after-the-game boys club of British managers full of self-congratulation and neanderthal attitudes and stereotypes and they won’t end up on the after-dinner circuit spouting meaningless my-dick-is-bigger-than-yours platitudes of how football’s a man’s game, in their day raking your studs down someone’s leg was just letting them know you’re there, never wore gloves as that’s for poofs and blah blah blah.

You could see it with Keys when he referenced Dalglish as though he was his great mate, pretty much because Dalglish had his approval. Dalglish cracking jokes in his press conference and shooting the dinosaur attitude of Keys and Gray down was fantastic. Keys thinks that he’s one of the most powerful men in football as the face of the unstoppable juggernaut that is Sky Sports despite the fact that he has achieved approximately sod-all and hasn’t changed his blatantly stylised, slick advertiser’s act for years. But he’s also like the sycophantic loser in the playground, desperately wanting to please the cool crowd and wanting to be in their little club while getting off on thinking that he can shape public opinion for or against them depending on if they play ball. Dalglish not playing ball will blow his ego more than getting caught over this incident.

That’s not to mention the embarrassing nicknames he uses for the players. Forced, knowing grin when he throatily growls, “the DROG!!! is ready”. His name is Drogba, you aren’t his mate, stop trying to sound cool and show some humility for crying out loud.

In fact, my biggest bugbear in terms of things Keys says it when he says, “we’re having a look at such-and-such team today”. It really is as though the Premier League is actually a competition for who can gain Richard Keys’ approval and he’s the smiling, benevolent Christ of the Premier League that makes it all happen. Unless Keys and Gray are “having a look at you”, your game is not relavent.

I do feel for assistant referee Sian Massey in this. Because of those idiots (and I include Burton in this, the pre-match interview is not the time or place to want to air your sexual fantasies), she is going to be under extra scrutiny now. It’s inevitable that she is going to make a mistake at some time. All referees and assistants do, no matter how good they are, they aren’t superhuman. But all of this is going to come back and she’ll be under extra pressure. I hope she does stick it out and continue doing well and that three smug, sexist, know-nothing fools with an inflated sense of their own importance don’t end up pushing her out of the game.

Fortunately, this has rebounded back on Keys and Gray because the boys club aren’t backing them up like they usually do when they blooper, the media have turned on them as opposed to ignoring them and fans are completely fed up by them but I suspect they’ll retain their possessions. It seems like Keys has a stupid amount of influence there alongside Gray but I hope that both of them go after this. Their attitudes are pre-dated and bigoted. It wasn’t like Massey had made a bad decision, in fact she got the big one right, they were simply abusing her because she’s a woman. Sadly, Sky will probably come out with some half arsed gimmick like “Super Sunday hat-trick” and Keys will be there presenting it with him and Gray being so self-satisfied while Redknapp (who has potential) toes the line because he knows he’s got a good thing going.

And note how Keys never said that McCarthy would go potty too. He’s too straight-talking for their liking, he won’t Allardyce himself and toe the line. The sooner these two are retired, the better it will be for football. While Gray has a good technical knowledge of the game, he is the love of his own life and everything is a chance to self promote.

Please release them, Sky!

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At the time that this blog was uploaded, news was beginning to filter through that Andy Gray had been sacked by Sky… the fate of Keys is still to become clear…